Vox Populi
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Michael Simms: Breath
No one could enter the bathroom
where Elizabeth had shot herself, bits of bone
blood and brain everywhere.
We closed the door and tried not to think
She felt unloved, but those of us who loved her
gathered at her house beside the Llano River
to mourn in our separate ways.
It was spring in the hill country
and bluebonnets covered the fields
My sister’s husband locked himself in his room for days
kept alive by my mother handing glasses of water
through a cracked door.
My sister’s sons sat around a fire pit
with their friends, dazed teenage boys
crouching by the embers, refusing tears
We brothers stunned and helpless, trying to be helpful
around the house, kept breaking things
cursing and crying. After an unbearable silence
Bob said it’s a hell of a thing, isn’t it?
A hell of a thing
I remember walking into the Baptist church
standing at the back of the sanctuary
seeing a hundred people,
wondering who they all were,
so many Latinos with their children,
strangers at my sister’s funeral.
Then I remembered my brothers had married
Latinas, generous people I barely knew,
who surely loved my sister
As children we were taught to hate Mexicans
and now we were Mexicans.
I started laughing, then wheezing uncontrollably,
panic rushing though me in waves.
Faces I didn’t know turned to look at me
not unkindly, but with concern
and my nephew Andrew Narvaez,
a sweet kid I liked, took me gently by the arm
through the red doors of the sanctuary
to stand in the shade at the edge of the parking lot
beneath the wide arms of a live oak tree
He stood silently beside me
until I could weep.
We waited for the others —
my brothers, my parents,
our large Mexican family
merging quietly and driving off
into the soft blue hills
When we pulled into the driveway,
a woman was placing a mop and bucket
in the trunk of her car. She came to us,
hugged my mother and said quietly.
I’m so sorry, Janie Lu. We all loved her
In the house, the bathroom door was open,
the light on, the surfaces immaculately scrubbed.
The neighbor whose name I didn’t know
had come to the house unbidden
to scour tile and porcelain, to pick
bits of bone from the floor,
to wipe up smears of brain,
to clean blood-spray from the ceiling,
to wash every sign of self-murder away
People say the world is an ugly place and maybe it is
but sometimes people are so damned kind
I can barely breathe
Copyright 2023 Michael Simms. From Strange Meadowlark (Ragged Sky, 2023)
Michael Simms is the founding editor of Vox Populi. His poetry collections include American Ash, Nightjar, Strange Meadowlark and Jubal Rising (Ragged Sky, 2022, 2023, 2024, 2025). His speculative fiction novels include Bicycles of the Gods and The Hummingbird War (Madville 2022, 2026); and The Talon Trilogy (Madville, 2023, 2024, 2025).
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Richard St. John writes: “Mike, your poem for your sister is so moving, so compelling. It was a gift (of course a bittersweet gift) to read it afresh. Thank you.
I tried to post this on Vox Populi, but got into some tech cycle that wanted me to create an account, something I’m resistant to doing.
Feed free to post it if you like — or — just know how much I appreciate your work. – Rick”
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Michael,
So powerful and so moving. Thank you,
christine
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Thank you, Christine.
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This poem is so deeply personal, and yet also universal. The ending is stellar. I found myself holding my breath as I read it several times. Thank you for sharing this with all of us.
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Thank you, Valerie!
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Hi, Michael,
I often think to but never respond to your wonderful daily feed, but this poem took my breath away. I had to write. Amazing.
Bless you, Barb Jennes
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Thank you so much, Barb. I appreciate your comment. I hope you’ll join the dialogue in VP more often.
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thank you for showing the place of love in such a devastating circumstance. You bring the authority of a well-wrought poem to what many would claim to be unspeakable. In a world where grief so often centers on why it happened, or how to go on with life, you’ve written deeper to celebrate the sharing of people in such a situation. Their reaching out. Their variety of responses, well recollected by you.
The glorious bluebonnets bringing a surround of beauty to what cannot be ignored. And yet, as a fellow griever, I also feel the stinger in the tail, as you must.
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Yes, the scorpion of grief. Thank you for this image, Jim.
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Beautiful work on this. I usually avoid reading longer poems so early in the morning. But “Breath” swept me up and carried me away in its humanity.
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Yes, I usually prefer shorter poems as well. This poem is almost a personal essay.
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This poem is both a gut punch and so beautiful, Michael. I remember the first time I read it I carried the images and the kindness iof the neighbor with me for hours. It hit me in the same way this morning.
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thank you for your beautiful, painful, exquisite poem. Such an example of why poetry matters to our living. The things we endure are so large. And poetry can help keep us from drowning. And, too, this poem pivots from personal grief to social interdependence. Smart. Timely. Necessary. I’m sorry. I’m not giving it justice. But I was both moved by and proud of this poem.
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One of the best poems I’ve read. “Best” because you made me feel this, the heartbreak of one life, and the whole world feels the loss.
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I could hardly breathe reading this. What a heartbreaking thing to live through; what a powerful poem to come out of this tragedy.
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sometimes people are so damned kind
I can barely breathe
Sometimes it’s terror, sometimes grief, and sometimes it is brave human kindness that makes us barely breathe. This is an incredible poem Michael, hits hard to read, as it must have to write it. Thank you.
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So damn courageous. And so important. Because you wrote this, your sister will never be gone. Never.
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A heartbreakingly powerful poem.
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omg michael, can barely breathe reading this so terribly human poem! and so brave of you to write it. deep bow.
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