Vox Populi
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Kathleen O’Toole: Her Grip
The waning early days of autumn
unfold outside the nursing home.
Less light, fewer song sparrows
at the feeders, sleep enveloping her
more each day. My hands held
in her tight-fisted grasp, more like
an infant grabbing her mother’s
finger, not ready to loosen that grip.
My mother has always been firm.
Most often, imperatives her favored
mode of speech. In recent years, her plea:
“Come take care of me. You’re retired.”
My translation: You are my firstborn
and with that favor, much responsibility
rests. Now, her magnificent grasp
of language diminished, her hands
express all there is to say: hold me,
stay with me. Don’t leave me alone.
Just what is holding her here?
I imagine it’s uncertainty of what
is next, or just the unseen cargo –
nine decades of embodied joy
and grief − sandbags tethering
a hot-air balloon before launch.
Our fingers now entwined against
her chest, we listen to the few birds
lingering. I place a prayer upon
a sparrow’s outstretched wings.
Copyright 2023 Kathleen O’Toole
Kathleen O’Toole’s many publications include This Far (Paraclete Press, 2019). She is the former Poet Laureate of Takoma Park MD, and she sails the Chesapeake Bay and its tributaries with her husband (and best publicist) John Ruthrauff.
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What a beautiful poem that reveals such tenderness and grief between the lines. I do a bereavement writing group for Hospice of Santa Barbara, CA and I would love to share this poem with your permission
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Thank you, Perie. I’ve conveyed your request to Kathleen.
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Absolutely Perie, I would be honored to have you share my poem.
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Perie, I am so terribly sorry that I was traveling at the time that Michael forwarded you request to share my poem. I just happened on his e-mail today and of course you may share it
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Somewhere now between the child and the mother, I remember autumn as the time when my mother and husband were fading and hanging on and I wonder if there is another way.
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What a beautiful thing to say, Barbara. Thank you!
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Very moving.
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’Tis.
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Trembling and brief–both our Autumn joys and our fear of losing them!
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Yes, caring for aging parents is a challenge for our generation.
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