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I tried the meditation
where I breathe into my heart until it becomes a white hot coal.
I tried forgiveness.
I tried self-forgiveness but my heart was laced in leather.
I said I will live my whole life this way if I don’t.
Don’t what? Do you realize what I carry? Do you understand
that it’s magma and will cook you from five feet away?
Do you realize what you are asking me to do?
Yes, I said, to that other self that younger self that
swaggering young ass
who sewed up his heart with cat gut, yes, because I want
to feel my gristle open like a rose in spite of.
In spite of all that. That I hate you is no longer a way.
Copyright 2020 Doug Anderson