Michael Simms: Coca Cola is great as a cleaning fluid — Just don’t put it in your body

I’d like to buy the world a coke.

Um, I don’t think so. Coca Cola does terrible things to your body. Medical experts tell us that soft drinks are major contributors to obesity, type 2 diabetes, tooth decay, and osteoporosis. Coke, in particular, causes calcium loss leading to softening bones, and it causes acid reflux increasing risk for cancer. Consuming large amounts of soft drinks puts people at a higher risk for heart attack, asthma, stroke, and chronic obstructive pulmonary disease.  With ten teaspoons of sugar in each can and a ph level close to that of battery acid, coke creates an array of dangerous health conditions.  A recent study claims that 180,000 global deaths each year are due to sugary drink consumption. Who would ever think that Coca Cola, the most valuable brand in history, is actually poisonous?

Moreover, the ways that the Coca Cola corporation has built its world-wide brand is essentially dishonest and destructive.  The company tries to convince us that they are an environmental company, when the truth is that Coke is linked to pollution, water shortages, and disease. Their bottling plants hog clean water supplies in third world countries where access to clean water for most citizens is almost impossible. The reality is that in many countries it’s easier and cheaper to get a can of Coke than to get a glass of clean water.

However, Coca Cola has its uses. The high acid content makes it an excellent cleaning fluid. Here, courtesy of AGL Health, are just a few of Coke’s many possible uses in your household:

Removes grease and blood stains from clothing and fabric.

Removes rust; loosens rusty bolts.

Cleans oil stains from a garage floor; let the stain soak, hose off.

Kills slugs and snails.

Cleans burnt pans and descales kettles; let the pan soak in the Coke, then rinse.

Cleans car battery terminals.

Cleans your engine; Coke distributors have been using this technique for decades.

Makes pennies shine; soaking old pennies in Coke will remove the tarnish.

Cleans tile grout; pour onto kitchen floor, leave for a few minutes, wipe up.

Removes gum from hair; dip into a small bowl of Coke, leave a few minutes and the gum will come off.

Removes stains from china and pottery.

Removes dye from hair.

Removes marker stains from carpet. Scrub with Coke; then clean with soapy water.

Cleans toilet; pour around bowl, leave for one hour, then flush.

Polishes chrome.

Strips paint off metal furniture. Soak a towel in Coke and lay it on the paint surface.

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Coca Cola is a great product. It’s cheap and effective as a cleaning solvent, but you shouldn’t drink it.

Copyright 2016 Michael Simms