Because everything I learned from the stained
glass windows I was told to kneel under
still remains thorned & stained & torn,
& all the teachings I was told to believe, still
leave me dis-believing & I wish it were not so —
Sungolds, coughed my old neighbor, a bird
shat the seed.
That kiss I failed to give you.
How can you forgive me?
Now she pivots like a dancer, gripping the board
with her toes, and rises as it quivers with her weight
then settles again. She waits until it stops,
until she gathers herself up to balance there,
tall and undeniable, her back to us in the withering light.
In your friend’s voice. Or silence.
In all those years it takes for a barn to collapse.
In the terrified tenderness of a first kiss.
In a last kiss too.
May my modest routines appease me today, I who
raged against them for so long —
I seek a village.
And in it a house. And in it a
room, in which a bed, in which a woman.
And in that woman a lap.
Nostalgias we share with friends
around a good table, nodding yes, yes, to our
glad sadnesses as we bring back a taste, a kiss,
that one song we will never forget.
I stop weeding, stand still a while, hands on hips,
because it’s back again — that feeling of elation
tangled with grief.
Just as this island belongs to the gulls
and the gulls to their cry
and their cry to the wind
and the wind to no one
At the Saturday Pearly Balls, I conga
to the karaokes of yokels, popes, madams
& Nobels. No one wears a watch, no strike
of midnight to worry about. I’ve read all
the books & let go of the past — at last.
when the last leaves let go, let go,
have all let go, & it’s almost winter again —
don’t remember my birthday
He made smoke
Circles in the air
He put the ashes
Into the ashtray
Without speaking to me
Without looking at me
There’s a particular light when fall days die