Charles Harper Webb: Department of Discontent

The officer in charge checks my ID. “Formal
or informal complaint?” she says. When I hesitate,
she says, “Informal’s more relaxed. You speak

more softly, don’t raise your blood pressure,
can wear jeans, no tie, use contractions and slang.
Very chill, as the kids say. With formal complaints,

you have to shout. Formal complainants sometimes
die of strokes. Also, you need to wear a tux.”
“Which one works better?” “That’s confidential.

Either way, we interview everyone named
in your complaint, then everyone in those interviews,
everyone in those, etc. Leave no tern un-stoned,

as the joke goes.” “When will I know the results?”
“Oh, they’re confidential, too.” “So how does that
help me?” “Well,” she observes, “you already

look younger than your I.D. Less beaten-down.”
“I did get energized, thinking I’d stand up for myself.”
“And so you have. Complainants sleep better,

having taken steps. They walk taller for having had
their say. Never doubt that, out there in the Dark Beyond,
Justice sends a big, wet kiss your way.”

~~~~

Poem copyright 2026 Charles Harper Webb

A former professional rock singer/guitarist and licensed psychotherapist, Charles Harper Webb is Professor of English at California State University, Long Beach. His collections of poetry include Sidebend World (Pitt, 2018).