Alfred Corn: Instagram posts of Dr. Ali Tahrawi

Early this past summer I saw posts on Instagram of Dr. Ali Tahrawi, a Gazan medical doctor actively engaged in dealing with patients harmed during the Israel-Gaza conflict. Apart from the gripping content of the pictures, the posts were accompanied by texts in English, daily accounts remarkably vivid in portraying life in Gaza since last October. Ali and I began exchanging messages and have developed a friendly online acquaintance. I asked him if he would allow me to assemble his texts into a single document, making minor clarifications in grammar, etc., and then seek publication for them. He agreed. Here are his posts.

June 24, 2024, with a picture of the doctor administering treatment to a boy wrapped in bandages.

“This severely burned child asked me for some sips of water. When I gave it to him, he said a Big Thank You. Showing how civilized and polite he is even whilst in great pain.”

July 2, 2024, with a picture of the doctor celebrating his birthday two years earlier.

“A memory of my birthday celebration with my friends, by the sea, in a nice and lovely place. Now the occupation has destroyed this place and destroyed all dreams and wishes.” 

July 4, 2024, with pictures of Gaza in past years.

“The sad thing is that what happened to us makes us unable to imagine a life in which there is some joy and peace. We do not easily believe that if we survive, we will be able to live safely, freely, happily and comfortably, ever again! What makes the matter much more difficult is not the nearness of death to us, but that a decent life will difficult ever to achieve; it has become scarce even in dreams.”

July 10, 2024, with pictures of the doctor in his daily work life.

“We are the weakest, yet we are the strongest. We are the victims, yet we are the heroes. There is something poetic about a 29-year-old doctor living in a genocide, surviving and trying his best to help others. We have done so much for so long and with so little, we are now qualified to do anything with nothing!

In this, my first genocide, I discovered that I love my stethoscope. The most reassuring sounds in my life during this period are the sounds of heartbeat and the sounds of air coming easily into the lungs.”

July 11, 2024, with pictures of the sea and the shore.

“I want to put our suffering in a cloud, and I want for this cloud to rain on those who caused it. I want for this war to die, and for death to take a long rest, and I want peace and rest to occupy my people’s hearts, forever.”

July 15, with a picture of the doctor looking tired and stressful.

“Do I look like a normal human being? Do I sound like a normal human being? I write this, so that my friends here will remember me, if it happens that I lose my mind, from a bombing, or from a mind-destroying atrocity.”

July 23, 2024, with clips of Gaza before the most recent attack began.

“Death here costs us everything, and it does not need much, just continuous terrorism from a bloody occupier and a few Nazi superpowers. As for life here, it needs miracles, and it needs smart, successful, rich, faithful, steadfast, patient, confident, strong, fast, lucky, stubborn, dear, generous, and loving people. In addition to all of the above, it also need the supernatural, the resistant to shocks, a human being resistant to oppression, suffocation, against hunger, against torture, against fractures, against pain, against sorrow, against diseases, against burning, against bullets, against missiles, against dog bites, against internationally prohibited and banned weapons, and against the feeling of betrayal.”

July 31, with a picture of the doctor at age 25, followed by a picture of him standing among the rubble of a destroyed building. 

“A photo of me five years ago, when I was in college, and another one five months ago. If someone had asked me five years ago, where do you see yourself in five years? I would have said that I see myself as a good doctor in a good work environment. But here I am, living in a genocide, that all of humanity is witnessing, and I have been experiencing the death and suffering of my people. Half of my wish to some level has been fulfilled, but the other half has been completely shattered. The forces of evil are still applauding our death, and celebrating it, broadcast live on screens, and the world is watching silently, and some are shamelessly enjoying it!”

August 2, 2024, with the doctor pictured consulting with his patients at a hospital.

“We aren’t numbers, however these are our numbers so far:
(885) martyrs from medical staff.
(310) cases of detainment of health personnel.
(34) hospitals and (68) health centers taken out of service.
(162) health institutions and (131) ambulances targeted.
(3,500) Children are at risk of death due to malnutrition and lack of food.
(12,000) Wounded and (3,000) patients with various diseases need to travel abroad for treatment.
(10,000) Cancer patients facing death and need treatment
(1,737,524) infected with infectious diseases including (71,338) cases of viral hepatitis infection due to displacement.
(60,000) pregnant women at risk due to lack of health care.
(350,000) chronic patients at risk due to the prevention of the entry of medicines.”

August 4, 2024, with pictures of Al Aqsa Hospital, where the doctor works, after the IDF’s third attack.  

“It’s the third time, and it won’t be the last. It’s really very scary. The hospitals shouldn’t be a war zone and shouldn’t be targeted. People come to the hospital to get medical treatments that are not available and, moreover, they are being attacked and killed inside the hospital. Our chances of survival are diminishing day after day, bombing after bombing. We don’t want to die, and we cannot just wait for death. We are tired of escaping death, and chasing after life, and our souls are suffocating. If we must die, let us die now, and let it be done. I assume we would not know.”

August 8, with two pictures of the doctor in his scrubs.

“Hello, from Hell. So, sometimes, some very dark times, when I am under so much pressure, especially when I am at the hospital, I don’t feel normal, and I believe it’s the same for everyone else going through this. It feels like my brain cells are being replaced by stones, and I feel like a mango that was stepped on by an elephant, or a piece of glass that fell from the sky and hit a destroyed house and disappeared, or a tree whose branches are so thirsty its fruits are dying. Like a bird without wings to fly and vocal cord to sing with, like a lonely spaceman stuck in space without enough oxygen, like an oppressed prisoner who feels that he will never be free unless the world ends. I feel like some exhausted, scattered atoms, not a human being.”

August 9, 2024, with a picture of the doctor and his brother by sea.

“Today, I swam for the first time since the war began, with my friends and my younger brother. It was fun. As you know, for the last 10 months, we have been brutally attacked by Israel. As a doctor, I have witnessed unbearable atrocities. My physical and mental health has declined. I am unable to flee Gaza for the time being. But I need help to prepare myself to leave once we are able to.”

August 12, 2024, with a picture of the doctor on a street in Gaza.

“Palestine is my cause, and it’s your cause too! As a Gazan, I wonder why my feelings and peace of mind matter to others. What drives them to leave their psychological stability and come to where I live, in this big cemetery that’s full of dead bodies and dreams, and this swamp immersed in anxiety and fear? Why do you grieve for our grief? And you do not even know us! I do not think that is because you are only good human beings, but also because you are civilized people, and civilization is basically about feeling the oppressed people and their pains and making it easier for them. For me, life has never been about just me being happy, but about everyone else around me being happy and free, because I will not enjoy heaven if I am alone, and if those around me are not enjoying it.

When will this genocide end ? When will be the first day of our life without war? The peak of the struggle is to remain able to preserve yourself and those you love, and to be able to wait for the unknown.

The target is love and humanity. So, be consistent, stay civilised and keep trying to make it easier for everyone.”

August 15, 2024, with pictures of the doctor doing his work or resting from it.

“I am a very sensitive person, I feel so much, and being a doctor in the midst of this makes me want to cry and scream all the time; but there is no time for crying.
Sometimes I feel like I was hit by a bus. And like I could feel the occupation in my own body, as though I am occupied in every single cell of me. I believe that the Nakba is not going to stop, even at the end of this genocide, if it ever ends! In common sense terms, when there are malignant cells occupying a part of a body, they will certainly occupy the whole body when they get the chance to do so.

I wonder: What if they had been targeting a single place with all the bombs that have killed and severely injured more than 150 thousand humans; would that bombardment have penetrated the earth and reached the other side of the world, into the place where the bombs were coming from? Or would it penetrate the earth and cause a very deep hole that might engulf the whole world and cause it to collapse?

The world will never, ever be a safe place for us, or for others, if we are abandoned. The torture is mental and emotional. There has to be some sanity among the chaos of war crimes and criminals. We are desperate to survive, and we rely solely on you to help us.”

August 18, 2024, with pictures of bombings and IDF attacks on Gaza. 

“After 317 days of this genocidal and barbaric war, we feel that today is the first day of this war. This video records some of what happened just today—more and more destruction, displacement, killing and terror. More American money is raining down on my people in the form of missiles and bombs that destroy them and kill their families. They are planning to destroy everything, to displace everyone; and I am afraid that they are planning to kill all of us. Today, we have lived through more of the world’s failure to confront this systematic terrorism, and also more betrayal and silence.

Nothing in this world has been enough to stop the genocide, nothing is enough.
Not the humanity, not the religions, not the civilizations, not the cultures, not the seven continents, not hundreds of countries, not billions of people. Nothing prevails except killing, hate-filled racism, and barbaric sadism.

In this world there are only those who shed blood, and those who close their eyes to the killing of innocents. Where is the good in the nation of Muhammad? Where is the good? We have no one but God, and God is the best protector, and He is the most merciful. Allah, you know what we do not know, have mercy on us, have mercy on us, have mercy on us and save us from this life that kills the soul, and exhausts the body. Allah, tell this world to end if our suffering does not end!”

August 28, 2024, with pictures of people sitting among ruins of the hospital. 

“No more life, no health care, no anything, but some hope, and dirty water, and millions of stories. Hospitals are no longer protected by international law. The occupation has repeatedly trampled on these laws with the tracks of its tanks, destroying and burning hospitals, killing patients and doctors in the hospital wards, detaining others, and hiding them in its secret prisons.

The genocide has put 85% of Gaza’s healthcare facilities out of service, and the remaining facilities provide limited services due to severe shortage of various necessities. Today, day 328 of the genocide, two days after the evacuation of Al-Aqsa Martyr’s Hospital, which undermines the last hope of more than a million Palestinians, increases their sufferings, and puts their lives on the edge.

While I sit on my chair, with a broken heart, after I was deprived of my right of performing my duty towards my people, I will try to write down the most touching stories I experienced personally during the months of genocide while working at the emergency department, and those will be shared here.

I don’t need to convince anyone that life is going to be much worse and much more horrific without hospitals. I am writing this and sharing it because these stories and those people deserve to live forever in the minds of the world. My people are living through hell, suffering, and screaming for help without being helped!”

August 31, 2024, with pictures of the doctor and his colleagues. 

“I am back to work in the hospital again, in the least safe and the most collapsed place on earth. That comes after orders of evacuation, and after they attacked the hospital by airstrikes more than three times. NA means ” not available,” We don’t have basic diagnostic devices, no basic imaging techniques, no basic treatments, no gauze, no stitches, no disinfectants, no beds, no blankets, no chairs, no diapers for the elderly, no food, no water, not even oxygen, no anything.

On yesterday’s shift, I couldn’t scan my female patient who suffered from stroke, and I couldn’t find a bed to transfer my heart attack patient, nor bandages and gauze to dress the wounds and burns of the casualties, and I couldn’t find an ointment to treat my mother’s allergies.

Today, after 331 days of torment, suffering and endless attempts to survive and preserve the human being inside me, and asking the world for help, I stand at my window, overwhelmed by great anxiety for my family and fear of a massacre similar to the 3,540 previous massacres of thousands of families.

I am angry, and I want to scream, and I want all of this to end in the blink of an eye, for death to die, for us to start treating the sick and heal the wounded as descent human beings, and for my people to get a reasonable amount of rest, physical therapy for their tired bodies, and psychological therapy for their broken hearts. Is that too much?”

September 12, 2024, with a picture of the doctor looking bone-tired and stricken.

“At my shift tonight, I dealt with a diabetic ketoacidosis young female patient lying on the ground, because there were no beds, in severe pains and discomfort and we couldn’t even find a saline solution to treat her, and with an elderly man with stroke symptoms who I couldn’t scan, and a young woman suffering from severe renal colic and no suitable painkiller to treat her pain, and another young woman suffering from psychological symptoms, who was crying and laughing at the same time, and a woman in the seventh month of pregnancy suffering from burns on 40% of her body after Israeli bombing to her house, and we couldn’t find gauze or bandage to cover the burns, and a young girl, was crying and calling “Mama, Baba,” not knowing that they were killed and she no longer has them in her life, forever, and a 55-year-old woman and a 23-year-old man died for no clear reason. And I saw hundreds of displaced people sitting on the ground, staring at every direction, waiting for an end, either death or life, and I saw an old friend told me that at least 10 of his close friends were killed, and he was at the hospital because he’s visiting another friend who is severely injured. And I saw another friend whose family was killed, and while we were waiting together for something good to happen, they bombed a school in my camp full of displaced people for the seventh time. This made me worried about my family and friends because dozens were killed and injured. Toward the end of the day, we would hear the sound of warplanes and we were worried that they would destroy the hospital over our heads.

As if we had never lived a normal life before, as if our whole life had been just war and death, as if this was our only fate. Tired as if we were dead and lived again and suffered all kinds of pains and died again and again every day, in this hell of life, as if this is it, forever, as if this genocide would never end, and as if death is the only way out!

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Dr. Ali Tahrawi is a Gazan medical doctor actively engaged in dealing with patients harmed during the Israel-Gaza conflict. 

Alfred Corn is an esteemed American poet and essayist who has received many honors including an Award in Literature from the Academy of Arts and Letters, a Guggenheim Fellowship, and a Fellowship of the Academy of American Poets. The Returns: Collected Poems by Alfred Corn is available from Press 53.

Instagram texts copyright 2024 Ali Tahrawi

Introduction and compilation copyright 2024 Alfred Corn