Donald Trump: MAGA Sonnets

(As recorded by David Rigsbee)

The Journey

They caught Biden in a scandal, the likes
of which we haven’t seen, I say the second worst
in the history of our country. The first worst
was when they spied on the President
and tried to take him down, and they spied,
and they got caught. Let’s see what happens.
Let’s see what happens. That’s to be the worst.
This could, this is the second, but this could be
leading into the first. But you’re lucky I’m your 
     president.
You’re so lucky. You’re so lucky, I always tell our 
     great
First Lady, Darling, you’re so lucky. I took you
on this wonderful journey, as we get hammered
by these fake people. We get hammered every day,
and I say, Darling, you’re so lucky I took you on 
     this journey.

--


The Interviewer

She hated my guts. She was going,
“I don’t like him. I’m going to vote for Biden.”
Why? Because he’s a genius? No. “Why
are you voting for him?” “I have no idea.”
I’m glad I came along because there’s
no other human being on earth,
other than maybe Doug Ducey,
that could have handled the crap that I’ve
had to handle. I’ll tell you what: every other
person, even a tough person, would have been
in the corner long ago, with his thumb
in his mouth saying, “Mommy, Mommy,
take me home.” Right? They would’ve
said, “Mommy, Mommy, please! I can’t take it!

—

Dumb Bastards

They’re getting tired of the pandemic aren’t they?
Getting tired of the pandemic. You turn on CNN.
That’s all they cover. COVID, COVID, pandemic,
COVID, COVID, COVID, COVID. You know why?
They’re trying to talk everybody out of voting.
People aren’t buying it, CNN, you dumb bastards.
They’re not buying it. That’s all they talk about.
Oh, were they happy when they heard I had it, right?
Did you see it? They were, “Well, we hope he gets better.
We hope he gets better soon.” And then, I came out
and I did a rally, and they said, “This guy hasn’t changed.”
Actually, I don’t know if this is a compliment.
They said, “He looks better now than before he had it.”
What’s that all about? What’s that? Who knows?

—

Dr. Fauci

Every time he goes on television there's
always a bomb, but there's a bigger bomb
if you fire him. This guy's a disaster.
People are tired of Covid. I have these huge rallies.
People are saying whatever. Just leave us alone.
They're tired of it. People are tired of hearing
Fauci and all these idiots. Fauci is a nice guy.
He's been here for 500 years. Fauci is a disaster
And yet we keep him. Every day he goes on television,
there’s always a bomb, but there’s a bigger
bomb if you fire him. But Fauci is a disaster.
If I listened to him, we'd have 800,000 deaths.
If there's a reporter on, you can have it
just the way I said it. I couldn't care less.

—

J.C.

Masks, no masks, everything, you can do all
you want, but you still need help from the boss.
Yeah, we needed help. It’s all right to say.
Now, they’ll criticize me for that. “How dare he
say that? How dare he say that.” No, I’ll say it.
I’ll say it. I’ll say it. Somebody said to me the other day,
“You’re the most famous person in the world by far.”
I said, “No, I’m not. No, I’m not.” They said, “Yes,
you are!” I said, “No.” They said, “Who’s more famous?”
I said, “Jesus Christ.” I’m not taking any chances.
I’m not going to have it. Hey, I’m not having
any arguments. Jesus Christ. I’m not going
to take any chances, I guarantee. And let me
look up and I’ll say, and it’s not even close.

David Rigsbee is the author of 20 books and chapbooks, including ten full-length poetry collections.

The MAGA Sonnets above are selected from a full-length collection of verbatim quotations from Donald Trump, presented as fourteen-line poems.

Compilation copyright 2020 David Rigsbee