Vox Populi

Vox Populi: A Public Sphere for Politics and Poetry

Michael Simms: Turning Myself In

A new website encourages students to inform on their liberal professors.

An organization called Turning Point USA recently launched a website called the Professor Watchlist, which provides the full names, locations, offenses—and sometimes photographs— of teachers with a liberal bias.

Here’s the organization’s mission:

“To expose and document college professors who discriminate against conservative students, promote anti-American values, and advance leftist propaganda in the classroom.”

The website invites students to turn in their professors, or simply to “submit a tip.”

Turning Point USA was founded in 2012 by Charlie Kirk who never bothered to go to college, but has lots of opinions about what professors should be allowed to say in the classroom. Turning Point claims to have over 800 chapters on campuses across the country.

Hmmm….

What I want to know is, what’s wrong with my students that no one has turned me in?

Where did I go wrong? I’ve done everything I can to qualify as a commie-leftist radical tree-hugging dirt-worshipping magical-thinking hippie libtard. It’s so unfair.

I’ve marched in demonstrations against every American war over the last forty years. I even made posters.

I’ve written articles calling Trump and his followers “Nazis.”

I’ve spoken at County Council meetings criticizing the decision to sell fracking rights in our parks to a group of business thugs.

I’ve criticized the president of the university for raking in over $2,000,000 a year in salary while the school was cutting educational programs.

I’ve publicly praised Noam Chomsky, Daniel Berrigan, and Benjamin Spock. I’ve consorted with known environmentalists. I’ve even hummed Joni Mitchell songs.

Last week I made vomiting noises when I heard that Trump’s top advisor cited Japanese internment as a precedent for the way dissidents should be treated in the US.

Okay, okay. I know this is serious. We’ve got a president-elect who hates, well, everybody, has no problem with using nuclear weapons, and wants to put flag-burners like me in jail.

But fair’s fair. I belong on this list.  There’s a rumor that even fictional characters like Indiana Jones, Professor Plum of “Clue University,” and Gilderoy Lockhart from Harry Potter’s Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry have made the cut, so why can’t I?

So I’ve taken the only path open to me. I’ve self-reported. I went to the website and turned myself in. After all, I’ve said un-American things like war is “bad”, and I’ve advanced leftist propaganda by claiming that women are “equal”, and what consenting adults do in the privacy of their own homes is “nobody’s business.”

And now, I’m waiting to see whether Charlie Kirk accepts my application. With any luck, I’ll get arrested. I’m very excited.

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– – PS: If you are a pinko leftist teacher, you might want to go to the website and confess. It will be good for your soul. 


Copyright 2016 Michael Simms

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I really really endorse this message. I think this message is very terrific. This is the best message ever.  (Are you listening, Charlie?)

5 comments on “Michael Simms: Turning Myself In

  1. daniel r. cobb
    December 21, 2016

    Love the sarcasm. Michael Simms, not to throw you a curve, bit I think I love you. More seriously, any professor not listed Kirk’s Professor Watchlist is clearly not doing his job and should be ashamed. I’ve never been a professor, but I need to find a list…

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Patricia A. Nugent
    December 1, 2016

    Scary, scary stuff. I’m sending this far and wide to my friends in academia. Thanks for your courage in words and actions.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Vox Populi
      December 1, 2016

      Thanks, Pat. Although my tone is flippant in the article, I think you know that this is a very serious issue. If we let these jerks censor what we say in the classroom, then censoring what we say to our friends is next.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Patricia A. Nugent
        December 1, 2016

        It is a slippery slope indeed. We must be ever vigilant against the normalization of fascist behavior. I sent this article to over 40 friends in academia and asked them to write personalized notes to their colleagues encouraging action. The good news is that most of them had heard about this reporting site – the bad news may be how many have not chosen to take it on. We cannot afford to be silent.

        Liked by 2 people

        • Patricia A. Nugent
          December 1, 2016

          P.S. I think the flippant tone works well. It represents courage (“Come and get me”) rather than fear. The lion takes its courage from the lamb’s fear; the bully from the victim’s fear. Carry on!

          Liked by 1 person

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